wish i may
i might
make a wish upon a star tonight..

Tuesday, July 1
 
i just came from the physical therapist. my back is healing, this is good to know. she didn't give me any clues as to why it happened, but she did assure me that i will most likely get all the feeling back in my fingers. this is good. but what is not good is money coming out of my pocket that i really don't have. i need to be saving money. i want to be saving money. i want to go back to greece, desperately, along with having some sort of cushion.

its the beginning of the month and as usual i'm under an incredible amount of stress. i hate beginning of the month and paying of bills. and worrying that i've got other bills, and knowing that my credit is absolutely crappy because of mistakes that i continue to make. i vowed 2 months ago that i would start taking care of my crappy credit issues, but i keep putting it off. i'm also putting off getting my taxes done because i fear i'll owe money. and i don't have the money to owe, esp. after max's tounge being so expensive. anyhow, my plan is to go and pay off the biggest debt (minus the car and student loans) today. i hate to see all that money flowing out of my account, but it needs to be done. when i get my insurance check in the next few days i'm actually going to sit down and take care of some other bills.

i used to hang out with people with crappy credit, like mine. i looked up to them and asked them for advice a lot. they instilled in me a sense that it didn't matter. well, it does. right now i probably can't get an apartment, thats how crappy my credit is. but as i get my life back together this is on the list.

i'm supposed to have an outline for the eugene springfield pflag website done by today. i've not even started. *agh* after i run some errands i'll go home and work on it. get something up, but not all that i wanted to get up. there's also some baring witness work that i should do, but to be honest i'm rather sick and tired of baring witness. i'm glad i did it, but i don't wanna do it anymore. i think i'll call the person that is working with the group that is taking over all the postcards and poster sales and tell her to tell them its in their hands from now on. i've got too much other stuff to do.

tommorrow the lane co. anti-upa resolution is up for discussion in front of the county commissioners. we're hoping to have a good turn out. lots of emails have been sent, i even made calls, which i dispise doing. friday is a citizen's picnic that i've been helping with. next week is probably the vote on the resolution.

i'm attempting to learn this stuff. there is so much that is involved. executive orders, federal orders, the upa, changing of acts that were inacted decades ago, current resolutions and all their whereas'es. i'm actually starting to get better up on it. this morning when faced with a release at the pt i questioned her about the patriot act and if they had formed any policies in reaction to it. yes, they can request your medical records without the fanfare they used to need. i'm not so concerned with the records the pt has, its what the local medical monopoly peacehealth has on me, what my doc has, my therapist, the other practitioners i have seen. mental illness can be used against a person big time in a court of not so much law. not that i'm expecting to be picked up by the fbi anytime soon, but being the current state of affairs in this country, i do worry. and being that i'm working on this committee, even in a not so large roll.. and things i've said in the past in my old weblog, it leaves me a little concerned.

in other news i'm starting to look at my diet more. starting to put more scrutiny on to what i'm putting in my body. i'm attempting to get over my sugar addiction, its not easy. its my drug of choice. and i do eat a lot of carbs besides that. i'm taking it one day at a time. though sunday i went back over the sugar edge after i left my stepsisters house. i was so upset i needed something, something not healthy, something with sugar. lots of somethings with sugar. hopefully things will get easier now that i've gotten the okay from the pt to start working out again, that the treadmill won't hurt this. i can swim, but only for 10-15 minutes, vs the 45 i was doing before. anyhow, its just a step. by the time i head east i should be all back to normal.