wish i may
i might
make a wish upon a star tonight..

Saturday, June 21
 
okay, well, its been a stressful day. the doc called this morning (friday) and said that all max's systems are normal. thats good news. the bad news is that we're going to have to biopsy his tounge. its going to cost $200.00, which i can't really afford, but it needs to be done so we can figure out where to proceed from here. its scheduled for wednesday the 25th. i'll take him in at 8am and get him back after 4. we'll know the results 2-4 days from then. this is going to be the longest 9 days. he's been a bit of a grump the last couple of days. but this morning i was in tears with my neighbor about it all. its a lot of money, but its worth it. but, if its cancer i'm not going to treat it. i'm not going to put max through chemotherapy and radiation. i'll just keep an eye on him and then deal with life when he starts to suffer. but the vet, who has a great bedside manner, is pretty sure its not cancer. i hope she's right. i hope its this other thing that can be treated with steroids (and the steroids are cheap).

i ended up taking a 3 hour nap today. i've discovered naps since being on disability. naps are a good thing. only now i'm up and i should be asleep because i've got a long day tommorrow. i'll be at eugene pride for the day, being there tabling for the lane co. bill of rights defense committee. i know the general talking points, but i wish i knew more. i'm working on it. oh, and while i'm outside in the rain or the sun, (hopefully it'll just be overcast), all the other members of the committee will be at cafe soriah-- one of the best resturants in town-- at a fundraiser. i'd love lunch at soriah. oh well, this will be a great place to outreach to a group that hasn't been very vocal in the peace and justice movement. plus i'm likely to run into folks i've not seen in awhile. and i'm likely to see folks i don't want to see and so because of seeing those folks it will be nice to be at pride in the duty of civil liberties.

one cool thing that happened yesterday night at the meeting is that i brought up an issue about a march that was stopped by the police last week. it was a group marching to the wayne morse free speech plaza. a group that is marganalized by other peace and justice activists, and that is profiled by the police. the police used unnecessary force (bean bag guns), arrested 3 people (one of whom they choked while doing so) and stopped them from getting to the plaza. so, the committee is going to release a statement in general support of all people and their right to free speech, and in protest of the eugene police and their continual use of force against non-violent protesters. someone else is writing it up, but i'll get to edit it. it felt really good when i left to know that others in the group felt similarly as i did about the actions of the police and about the marganilization of this group. after my talking to lots of people about the profiling and the dislike of the general peace and justice community of this group a bunch of someones are actually giving a shit. i feel like i might be the spur to actually do something to support this particular group.

what else? my stress levels are way high, not only because of maxie. other unpredictable things are going on. but on the positive side my back is on its way to being back to normal. i'm still not sleeping great, but i'm finally getting some restorative sleep, i'm dreaming again. and the pain levels are pretty much tolerable, and the heating pad is definetly helping. and i'm slowly regaining feeling back in my pinkie and ring finger, my ring finger is pretty much back to normal. and i can feel things with the tip of my pinkie finger. yeah! and the weakness in the hand is a lot less, though my wrist isn't fully functional yet.

what else? p-cat got stuck in the hall closet for sometime today. smudge wanted in there and i opened the door and there she was. good thing smudgie wanted in there, eh? and the cats are really liking being in there. a nice quite place, climing over piles of stuff, hiding places. i just hope they aren't pissing in there. smudge has this territorial-i'm-a-tom-cat thing going on more than i'd ever expect from such a laid back cat.

okay. i'm gone. percoset, xanax. they do their job okay.