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wish i may
i might
make a wish upon a star tonight..
email.
me.
i'm brooke. a short, fatish, bisexual, feminist, pacifist, very-liberal activist. i have 4 cats. and 2 computers, 2 kayaks, 1 masters degree, multiple backpacks, and way too many books.
i live in the most beautiful eugene, oregon. i'm currently disabled due to treatment resistant severe depression. i've been blogging since election day of 2000.
i'm born and raised in the mountains of southwestern virginia. i could join the daughters of the american revolution, i don't think they'd like me cause i hear they like to throw tea parties instead of rallies and revolutions.
links.
lane co. bill of rights defense committee (lcbordc) ~
bill of rights defense committee ~
chel ~
lisa ~
carrie ~
cinnamon
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Sunday, June 1
okay, i've realized tonight (saturday night) that there is something really really wrong with me. i go to a surprise party for my friend rayo. i know no one, but i'm thinking "these are rayo's friends, it'll all be good." after a few brief conversations with people, and one conversation that went on too long and about my illness-- which isn't exactly great party talk-- i realized i was sitting on the outside looking in on all these people involved in cuddling and loving each other. i felt more unloved during those moments than i've felt in awhile. i'm not worthy of *rayo's* friends, who are very loving and very giving. if worthy isn't the word, if i'm that uncomfortable and put out that many bad vibes then there is something seriously fucked up with me. so, i don't know what to do. maybe go jump off a bridge or something. *agh*
in other news.. i was going to go to an action on monday but because i've got to deal with the affects of feeling like shit tonight tommorrow i know i won't get much done, so i'll probably have to skip the action.
finally.. when i got home at 12.30 i didn't realize the door wasn't fully closed. as i was emptying out the cat box all 4 decided to take advantage of the situation and escape. luckily i turned around and was taking something outside and looked out the door, instead of maybe heading into the bathroom. lily and max are trustworthy, but smudge and ava are unpredictable outside and at 12.30 am i don't want to go running around the yard bothering my neighbors calling the cats, 2 of which (the unpredictable ones) don't come to my calls. i only had to chase smudge a little ways and got him in my arms, then ava scooped up while i was walking up the stairs, and 2 last trips to get the trustworthy two. it really could have been bad, i lucked out.
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